At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
