I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Say something about gay babies.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
