Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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