my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
