Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
