I just threw up on my dentist
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
