And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
