the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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