i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
