You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize