It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't turn off my feet"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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