We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your penis caused this!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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