A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
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I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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