DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
