Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
