walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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