I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
