I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
