allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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