Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think my moral compass just broke
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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