***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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