We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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