Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
