just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
