I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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