just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
