We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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