wanna go halves on a baby?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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