i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY