OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
