the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
