Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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