ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
