Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
