i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
