1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
