I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
