Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
