remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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