wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
