I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
