There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
