No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
