This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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