I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
