that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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