Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You can't just leave with hair like that
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
