then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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