I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
