maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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