at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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