The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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