Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
