yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
