I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
