hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
