what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize