Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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