WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
