believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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