She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
