did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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