Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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