well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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