I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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