I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
