Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
