i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wear drunk well.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
