i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
