I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
