you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
