Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
