I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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